I am going to write a Christmas Wish List this year and put in the mail. I am not kidding. Why not? Do I actually believe this will reach the North Pole and get into some mystical, jolly old man’s hands, so he can get to work on fulfilling my deepest wishes? In short, maybe. What if Santa is the universe? I do know one thing for certain, if I do not ask for them, they will certainly never be given to me. I have never claimed to be the smartest man or even the most clever, but if I can pull this coup off I certainly will be regretting not asking for more important things. Baby steps. There are a couple things I could put on this list, but they are too damned personal to post here. It may seem strange and I may someday add them to the list, but for now let us just pretend that there are some things I need to keep to myself.
I keep these things to myself for the betterment of all of us. I do not have a problem letting anyone who comes to this website know everything about me, but when other people may be involved, luckily, I know to show a little discretion. In the hand-written letter I send off the North Pole, I will add some specifics. The spirit of this whole experiment is to see if in fact, in a world so revolutionized by the internet and spam-bots and money, if I can tap into a place long forgotten in my own mind that contains a little thing called “hope.” I really hope I get this shit. I really hope I get some other things, too, that are way to specific too post here and that is what I was trying to write before it all got jumbled up in me trying to be “smart-looking.” I hate that I use quotes so much. I will add that to the list: stop using quotes.
Side note: Is it inappropriate to ask for a person? I just read my list and although it is a nondescript and nameless sexy woman, is that wrong? Anything that starts off general, always ends specific. I gots me some specifics in mind.
If you would like to join in on the magical spirit of the season, feel free to put your wish list in the comments down below. Here’s mine:
I know it has been awhile since I have written to you. First of all, my apologies. I would say that I have been really busy, but we both know that being 33 years old and still sleeping on a futon does not exactly constitute the type of “go-getter” work ethic that would usurp all of my time. I hope all is well up north with you and Mrs. Claus. I know you’re probably really looking forward to getting out of the house in a few weeks for your one day of freedom! Haha! I kid, I kid. See? I’m still like a kid, that’s good, right?
Even though I have gotten a lot older since our last correspondence, my wishes still remain mostly the same. Things that will make me happy. I have chosen not to censor myself as we are both adults now. Here is my list in no particular order:
2. A sexy woman (I said I was older, not wiser or more mature)
3. A bed
4. Baseball cards
5. Posters of my favorite movies
7. A moped (one that goes at least 45 mph)
8. Another sexy woman (too much of a good thing?)
That’s pretty much my list. Pretty shallow and self-serving, right? Yeah, well it is my wish list. I could have put “true love” or something along those lines on my list, but I am not sure that I could handle that right now. I mean, a moped would be enough responsibility, let alone true love. I should clarify that with the sexy women and the moped entries, mileage is not so important as much as that they still work. Ok. Maybe I should add “knowledge” or “maturity” to my list? Then I would not be able to make a list next year.
I’ve been not so bad this year, Santa. Please bring me these things.
Ryan Jeffrey Jacob Singer – Age 33